Monday, January 30, 2012

Hipsters In Love: In Theaters 2012

We've all seen the movies, they have become the pinnacle of love that we aspire to BUT IS THAT RIGHT?!?! Don't worry we'll address all your concerns here, and if I must I will crush some dreams, but you know SOME DREAMS ARE MEANT TO BE DESTROYED!

(500) Days of Summer - A.K.A. The Hipster Anthem

Everyone loves Zooey Deschanel, and don't get me wrong I love her too. And I know girls who would literally kill someone for a chance at Jason Gordon-Levitt, and while I am not one of them, Sorry JGL you're a little too svelte for me, I can appreciate his appeal. They are both the bee's knees as the kids say these days. Okay I've gotten the obligatory praise of the famous pretty people out of the way, now on to the movie.

Now I have this internal rule that in movies the characters are not their actors. This helps me separate the weird celebrity gossip I hear about these people I don't know/care about with the characters in tv shows whom I do actually care about sometimes very deeply (what can I say I get very emotionally involved at times). So my critique of the character Summer should in no way reflect on Miss Deschanel, same goes for JGL.

Summer is the perfect example of the twenty something hipster. She has a quirky apartment with some nice vintage wallpaper. I don't know about anyone else but no apartment I've ever been in has had awesome wallpaper/let me put up wallpaper. Maybe I just need to have more expensive grown up apartments but this seems extremely unlikely to me. Also what was with the weird decorations, a dead tree full of origami birds? Really Summer? Really? I can just imagine her sitting at her adorable coffee table carefully folding those birds internally plotting how she'd use them to intimidate all her visitors with her hipster powers.

yes, yes my precious, we'll ensnare them all! 

Now Tom played by our lovable Jason Gordon-Levitt was the other half of the equation. The oh so ready to fall in love twenty something male protagonist a la Ted Mosby. All it took was a pretty girl with a little quirk to her step to convince him that it was the moment to fall in love. I think it's safe to say we'd all like a little quirkiness in our potential significant others. It definitely helps in the beginning when we're all basically engaging in a competition to impress our beaus with our prowess. Much like the cavemen of old when the one who brought home the biggest mammoth leg got the prettiest lady. In today's world the mammoth are extinct, I think we'd all have it a little easier if this was not true, but it is. Instead of going out to hunt mammoths we have to pretend to be more interesting than we normally are and just go around ikeas or wherever and make everyone else in the store feel massively uncomfortable!

In this movie their love is a very childish thing. They fall in love over the course of several frivolous activities I did as a teenager, and you know what? We all love it. the whole world is enamored with the concept of hipsters falling in love in a hipster way. I probably sound really old and a bit of a fogy. Those damn kids and their falling in love, who needs em' get off my lawn! That being said it's not realistic. Sorry people you won't meet someone who's "adorkable" at a swap meet or at your job working as a label writer for starbucks and fall in love over karaoke and PBR. Maybe that will happen to you, but for the sake of discouraging unrealistic goals I'm going to say it's highly unlikely.

Next we have the actually teenaged hipster lovers in Youth and Revolt where we have young Nicholas Twisp played by the eternally pre-pubescent Michael Cera and the franophile overly sexual Sheeni Saunders played by Portia Doubleday (who I haven't heard of and I'm pretty sure is nothing else of note).

These two haven't matured to the point where they are skilled in hiding their bougie-ness behind a facade of worldliness. Twisp is obsessed with records and falling in love with the overly sophisticated Sheeni and Sheeni is in turn obsessed with all things french and making Nicholas go to extreme lengths to prove he loves her. This includes such wonderful gems as destroying both his parents' cars and getting her kicked out of her pretentious all french boarding school. It's a match made in heaven. Again not really but we idolize them and wish secretly, or not so secretly as the case may be that we too could find a man/woman to love in such a manner.

Again I may sound old and bitter/cynical but please bitches if some guy was like "hey I did all this for you, sorry you got kicked out of your awesome boarding school that was fulfilling all your dreams/whatever but um I burned down a coffee shop for you, WE BELONG TOGETHER!" if someone said that to me first of all I would probably kick him in the mouth and secondly I would not reciprocate his obviously unhealthy obsession with me, flattering though it may be. I'm not even going to go into Nick's creation of his alterego used to facilitate his descent into juvenile delinquency. That's a post for another day.

Francois Dillinger - all around bad ass

I had an idea the other day to create a movie entitled Hipsters in Love along the same lines as the Scary Movie franchise. A movie that would capture all the over used stereotypes of the modern day hipster and show the world how ridiculous we all seem. I can hear my children fifty years down the road now, making fun of my generation for our obsession with looking like we got our clothes out of dumpsters and our preoccupation with bohemian-esque love.

Look how cute they are,
 they're probably playing the "penis" game


  1. I agree that the hipster is an over-used stereotype in movies. However, I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED AN ORIGAMI TREE and I LOVE 500 DAYS OF SUMMER. The end.

  2. "Everyone loves Zooey Deschanel, and don't get me wrong I love her too."

    WRONG. Evidence here:

    And dude, JGL is no svelter than James Mcackavoy. And he's hotter.